Nerd Claiming To Be Resurrected Dragon Demands Soul Of Hot Topic Cashier

If you’ve ever worked behind the counter at a retail job, you probably have stories about nightmare customers. But you’ve probably never had the Eternal Guardian Dragon of Time demand your soul as blood tribute.

A Hot Topic cashier took a cell phone video of a customer mellowly explaining that to him that he’s a resurrected objectivist dragon whose power level is so far over 9000 that he will wield influence over all of humanity.

The full transcript is breathtaking:

Dragonboy: They were able to resurrect my flesh, it’s healed. And it’s time for me to go home.

Cashier: Oh my god.

Dragonboy: And I… my… they even told me my scales are turning gold as my father’s were. My father was a piece of creation itself. He was the protector of god himself.

Cashier: Well that’s good then.

Dragonboy: That’s the thing, people damn power. It’s not evil it’s how you choose to use it.

Cashier: Oh yeah most definitely. That’s pretty much like how everything is.

Dragonboy: But the dictation of true power is lost to this world. I’m returning home but I’m… going to come back. But I’m going to make it that no human is permitted to use power without sanction.

Cashier: Good!

Dragonboy: You must give your soul to me.

Cashier: Oh my god!

Dragonboy: I am the Sovereign of Power and I’m going to become what my father was before my birth: Eternal Guardian Dragon of Time.

Cashier: Oh wow!

Dragonboy: My father gave up much of his power when I was born. Because she… (pause) h-he-his mate was Hecate, mother of angels. I was the only trueborn… My brethren. Even Lucifer down in the pit for his f***ing retardation, he was my brother.

Cashier: Oh my goodness.

Dragonboy: I am not a fallen. I am a lost. I fell to Earth from my own folly, not following that bastard.

Cashier: Wow.

Dragonboy: Honestly, look into my eyes. Do I seem mad to you?

Cashier: Not really.

Dragonboy: Most humans denounce anything that is outside their realm of…

Cashier: Understanding.

Dragonboy: But that is my dictation. I do not demand your soul as payment. It is moreso protection that if you abuse your power… then your soul is going to be bound. You keep your soul within your flesh but your soul will be bound never to touch power again. That is the dictation of the blood contract. I give you my blood, you give me… a piece of your soul. You do not lose your soul. I am not the father, I have no rights to your soul. But I do have rights to claim how you use my power. And that is the only reason I bind your soul like that.

Cashier: Oh yeah frreal. Like… that makes sense.